Good Shepherd nuns CHURCH.   Whenever I was hurt or sad, I would sit on the lawn and make daisy chains, then go to see Mary and Jesus. I would put one on Mary's head, she look so beautiful, then around her feet. Jesus had his on his head and his hands, as his hands were held out for me. Mary and Jesus eyes would look at me as if they were showing me how much they loved me. I always knew Mary and Jesus looked after me.  I must pick some daises for Mary and her baby Jesus. I go to church and sit down at the foot of the statue of Mary and baby Jesus. Little Jesus had his arms out for me. I look up at her and asked her to be my Mother too, that I will look after baby Jesus, for I will be his sister and love him. 1 asked her to look after me and to help me when I need her.  "Please take me. I hurt so much. I need you to love me." "What is wrong with me that I should be hated like this?" "Jesus ! You hold out your hands for me." " I am here for you. I will come every day." "I feel safe here. No one can harm me." I have to go now, I hope none of the nuns are around when I leave. Good-bye Mary and Jesus. "Do 1 see a tear- on your cheek for me?" Please do not cry for me. I don't want to see you sad. I will try to bear the pain for you, so as the nails in your hands and feet, don't hurt you so much.  The nuns told me that if I am bad, the nails go deeper into your hands and feet. I could not bear to see that happen to you. I will be good and do what ever the nuns tell me to do.                            GUARDIAN ANGEL. We had to sleep on our backs, with our arms across our chest, in form of a cross, to keep the devil away. I still do this, but on my side. A holy picture of a guardian angel above our beds. Everyone has a guardian angel of their own. She sits on my right shoulder. She is there all of the time, whether I am good or bad. My guardian angel is in change of me.  While my guardian angel is right there with me, so is the devil. Sitting on my left shoulder, fighting with my good angel. My thoughts have to be good all of the time, so as my guardian angel wins. Then she puts a tick on her slat, she has in her hand, for God. The more ticks she has, the closer I am to God.     FIRST HOLY COMMUNION. I made my First Holy Communion one Sunday. I had waited for this day for such a long time. I am at last going to receive the body and blood of Jesus Christ. He will be within me. I am going to feel safe at long last. But it didn't work that way. The nuns still hit me.   Things never worked that way for me; I could not talk to anyone. I just sat in a corner by myself. I felt I was nothing. I still am. I had no-one. I was alone. I was bad. I still am. I was told that I have the devil in me. I still have. I will go to hell when I die.                         HOLY COMMUNION. I would go up to the altar rails, kneel down, then with my little hands clasped in front of me, and both my eyes closed as tight as I could. So as I was not blinded by Jesus bright light, ifI should see him, while taking his holy body. Then while walking back, the holy host got stuck up the roof of my mouth. I could not touch him with my fingers. So when I was back in my seat. Down would go my head into my hands and I would gentle move my tough around the host, without bending it. Then I would swallow it.  As the mass was about Jesus giving his life, for me, I would start to cry. I was so upset, that someone whom I had never seen, had died for me, so as I could live. It still gets to me and affects me the same way as it did, when I was a child.  To me the mass and Easter, was the saddest part of my Catholic teaching. As soon as the priest holds up the host, then says, "This is my body." I can not hold back my tears. It makes me feel so sad.   Copyright@ 2006-2010 Ann Thompson All Rights Reseved