The Ultimate Taboo: Child Sexual abuse by women

The Sexual Abuse by Women of Children and Teenagers

Summary of UK TV programme - Panorama - BBC1 - 10 pm Monday, October 6th, 1997

Warning: This programme contains explicit descriptions of attacks and the emotional and physical damage they have caused, which some viewers may find distressing.

The sexual abuse of children by women was once thought to be so rare it could be ignored.

In this programme the victims tell a different story.

Summary

This was a vivid and horrific programme in which the victims of sexual abuse by women told disturbing stories of emotional and physical damage:

Rape and attempted murder of a 12 year old boy by a 19 year old girl
Rape and abuse of a 12 year old boy over a two year period by a 28 year old mother of four
Rape and abuse of boys by their mother
Rape and abuse of girls by their mother
Women taking a lead role in pornographic violence and abuse
Children abused by nuns
Children abused at playgroup
Boy abused by lesbians

It was acknowledged that the scale and nature of these attacks had been severely underestimated and there were examples of women using excessive force with implements such as chair legs and cutlery.

A surprising 86% of survivors of sexual abuse were not believed when they said the abuser was a woman.

Many myths were exposed, such as the one that women only sexually abused when coerced by men - they in fact played the lead part. Also the myth that women are incapable of cruelty - what was shown was beyond belief.

But despite the seriousness of these offences, women generally escaped custodial sentences.

Statistics

The programme claimed that:

Women commit 25% of all child sexual abuse
250,000 children in UK have been sexually abused by women

People find it difficult to believe.

The issue strikes at the core of what women perceive themselves to be:

The whole view of women is of nurturers, carers, protectors - people who do anything to look after children
The crime seems so unnatural it offends against all instincts, so society is reluctant to even associate women with sexual abuse
It's easier to think that it's men - men the enemy, somehow - but it can't be women - it's one thing women can't do

Society excuses female abusers

What tends to happen is that the female sexual abuser is excused in some way.

"She must have been misguided", or it was a "chronicled affair". We wouldn't have said that about a man. And what happens is that the sentences are more lenient.
The judges might even think "Well a woman really couldn't have done this - it must have been a mistake".
And they usually get probation or they walk free. A man doing that would be locked up.
their testimony shatters the myth that women only sexually abuse if coerced by men.

Women are seen as victims

Women are seen as victims rather than enemies or perpetrators of any abuse.

Women in our society have been portrayed as victims, but somewhere within their victimisation they have learned that to abuse children gave them a sense of power, control, agency, and therefore they use the abuse of children to gain those things.

Disbelief the biggest trauma

The biggest trauma for some victims is disbelief. A survey of 127 survivors by the children's charity Kidscape showed 86% were not believed at first when they named a woman as their abuser.
The fact that we are not expecting women in our society to do this - not expecting that women our society do this actually has profound effects on the victims, often making the experience go on much longer than it would have done in other cases, but also making them feel more stigmatised, more different, more betrayed, more powerless.

More traumatic to be sexually abused by a woman

It was more traumatic to be sexually abused by a woman - children feel more betrayed, they feel very angry, they feel the woman should have cared for them, should have loved them instead of abusing them.

Violent and sadistic attacks

The violence that often accompanies the abuse is unexpected of a woman.
Victims often report excessive force equivalent to if not greater than that of a man.
Women are supposed to be the gentler sex, women are supposed to be incapable of cruelty in a sense.
Many of the abusers have been very sadistic - cruelty that is almost unimaginable.
Half the women in a recent survey of 50 convicted female sexual abusers said they derived sadistic pleasure from inflicting pain on victims.

Across the board

The research showed neither class nor age were barriers to their behaviour. We can't make assumptions about the type of woman who will sexually abuse a child - sexual abuse is committed by:

Women of any age from young teenagers to grandmothers
Women from any class - from women who barely had a house to live in during their life to women with very large houses.
Women from any level of education - women who can barely read and write to women who've got degrees.
Female abusers acquire positions of trust
Some children aren't just at risk from the people they live with; they are vulnerable targets when they leave their homes.
Out in the community female sexual abusers can manoeuvre with even more ease than men into positions of trust with authority over lost of children.

Eternal victims

Some of those abused become eternal victims and never recover from that.
Other children will mask their confusions and go into adulthood and never really be able to sustain relationships, or have very distorted relationships because of their enormous confusions.
And there are other children who will go on to hurt not only other children in their own childhood but in adulthood.

The need for more work

There's very very little being done to look at the issue of female sexual abuse. We have no programmes in this country that are aimed at working with female sexual offenders specifically. Quite a lot of professionals are picking up women offenders now. What they're not doing is having the resources to help them deal with these women offenders. It's because so many professionals are now getting to pick up women offenders that we are now getting to realise some of the extent of the problem throughout the country.
Few abusers ever volunteer their guilt, and behind closed doors it is difficult to prove. A woman's traditional role in the home as a mother often puts her above suspicion, and medical evidence is hard to obtain. But as more and more of women's victims come forward and speak out they may just force us to face up to the ultimate taboo.

The Sexual Abuse by Women of Children and Teenagers

UK TV Programme - Panorama - BBC1 - 10 pm Monday 6th October 1997

Warning: This programme contains explicit descriptions of attacks and the emotional and physical damage they have caused, which some viewers may find distressing.

Narrator: The sexual abuse of children by women was once thought to be so rare it could be ignored. Today the victims tell a different story.

Woman: You knew when my mum was being really nice, you knew something was going to happen - you were going to get raped.

Man: Imagine your worst nightmare come true. It probably doesn't even come close to it.

Narrator: Tonight Panorama reveals how the scale and nature of this sexual taboo has been severely underestimated.

Boy: We used to play football together, go for walks, we were just friends.

Narrator:
Sexual abuse by anyone is appalling, but when the perpetrator is a woman the crime seems so unnatural it offends against all instincts. It's thought that 10% of the population are abused as children; it is hard to accept that some of their tormentors are women

Jacqui Saradjiam: (clinical psychologist)

I think people find it so difficult to see that women sexually abuse children because the whole view of women is of nurturers, carers, protectors - people who do anything to look after children - and they see the women as victims rather than enemies or perpetrators of any abuse.

Michelle Elliott: (Director - children's charity Kidscape)

I think the issue strikes at the core of what we perceive ourselves as women to be. I think that it's easier to think that it's men - men the enemy, somehow - but it can't be women - it's one thing women can't do. Women can be equal, we can be free, we can be in charge of companies, but we can't sexually abuse children - That's a load of rubbish.

Society excuses female abusers

Michelle Elliott:
What tends to happen is that the female sexual abuser is excused in a way. "She must have been misguided", or it was a "chronicled affair". For example an affair with a 34 year old woman and a ten year old boy. I mean we wouldn't have said that about a man. And what happens is that the sentences are more lenient. The judges might even think "Well a woman really couldn't have done this - it must have been a mistake". And they usually get probation or they walk free. A man doing that would be locked up.

Narrator:
That's because men have long been seen as both capable of sexual abusing children and as being the main perpetrators. That still holds true; they are, but there is increasing evidence that far more women sexually abuse children than previously thought.

Michelle Elliott:
In the past the statistics have indicated that perhaps 2-5% of abusers are female. I think, based on the people who've contacted me, that that is probably much higher, maybe as high as 25%.

Chris

Narrator:
Chris Roberts, seen here in the 1980's in a foster home, was removed from his own home because of physical abuse by his father. What the authorities didn't even consider at the time was that his mother might be sexually abusing him.

Chris:
There's no way you can describe how unpleasant it was. You couldn't put it into words. Imagine your worst nightmare come true; it probably doesn't even come close to it. The earliest memory would be when I was probably about two and a half or three years old. Beatings, physical and sexual abuse, mental abuse, from both my mother and father. My mother would keep us away from playschool and my other two brothers from school and use us for her sexual perversions whilst our father was at work. When I was three I remember I was put into a children's home.

Narrator:
Approximately one in every hundred girls in the population and one in every hundred boys in the population are sexually abused in their childhood by a woman. And that's a vast number of victims that we are avoiding if we are not looking at the issue of women as sexual abusers.

Victims trapped in the custody of their mothers as children, often only speak out after they've escaped. When they do, much of their testimony shatters the myth that women only sexually abuse if coerced by men.

Disbelief the biggest trauma

Narrator:
The biggest trauma for some victims though is disbelief. A survey of 127 survivors by the children's charity Kidscape showed 86% were not believed at first when they named a woman as their abuser.

Jacqui Saradjiam:
The fact that we are not expecting women in our society to do this - not expecting that women our society do this actually has profound effects on the victims, often making the experience go on much longer than it would have done in other cases, but also making them feel more stigmatised, more different, more betrayed, more powerless.

Children's home

Narrator:
More than 40 people are now alleging abuse including sexual abuse at this former children's home in Aberdeen. The orphanage was run by the Poor Sisters of Nazareth. The complaints the police are now investigating were until recently dismissed as impossible. They range over a period of 30 years in which individual nuns are alleged to have abused.

Boy:
I was about 7 or 8 at the time and she was in charge of our group, and just one day out of the blue she came along and asked me would I like to learn the time. And I just said yes, I'd like to learn the time. She told me that her watch was inside her breasts underneath her cassock which they used to wear. So I put my hand in - obviously I was fondling her breasts to look for the watch and I found it and while I was doing that- pulling the watch out - she would put her hand next to my penis and she would just gently squeeze it and that would get me excited. I could tell she was
getting excited cause her face was pure red an d her speech was pretty excited speech.

Narrator:
This sort of incident happened on several occasions but the boy felt powerless.

Boy:
I knew it was wrong to do it, but I just did it because I had to do it or I got punished.

Female abusers acquire positions of trust

Narrator:
Some children aren't just at risk from the people they live with; they are vulnerable targets when they leave their homes. Out in the community female sexual abusers can manoeuvre with even more ease than men into positions of trust with authority over lost of children.

Therapy for abused children

Narrator:
The Sexual Abuse Child Consultancy Service is one of the few organisations attempting to break this cycle. In specially designed rooms long term play therapy helps children explore feelings and relationships. Half the children who pass through here have been abused by a woman - like this 10 year old boy.

Therapist:
His abusers were involved in a lesbian relationship and he was also abused by men too, so actually he's quite a confused little boy, which is shown very often in his play where he doesn't really know whether he's a woman or whether he's a man.

[shots of boy who has made a montage of a pretty girl with lots of diamonds and an engagement ring]

Therapist:
He was out of control. Sometimes he'd be physically violent and sometimes that would develop then into spitting, sometimes weeing in a playroom, sometimes weeing over the therapist. He was also highly eroticised, both with adults and with the other children, which meant that there would be a lot of sexual wriggling - he would get his penis out and wave it around - that kind of sexualised stuff, and trying to do very sexy kisses with the other children and with staff.

[shots of boy hugging with baby doll, saying he had a baby in the night, and then kissing it on the mouth]

Therapist:
He understands about nice kissing and safe kissing, but when he was holding the baby clearly the kissing started to get very unsafe. He had looked to me to make sure that I had understood that the kissing was unsafe. So an issue for him is unsafe kissing with babies - which of course was his experience.

Therapist:
Some of them become eternal victims and never recover from that. Other children like this little boy will mask their confusions and go into adulthood and never really be able to sustain relationships or have very distorted relationships because of their enormous confusions. And there are other children who will go on to hurt not only other children in their own childhood but in adulthood.

250,000 children abused by women

Narrator:
It's thought more than 250,000 people in this country have been abused as children by women. While not everyone who has been harmed goes on to abuse, it is thought about 5% do. So what is it that makes them do it and others not?

Jacqui:
Women in our society have been portrayed as victims. And yes I'm not disputing that nearly all women who sexually abuse children were in my research were themselves very victimised, but somewhere within their victimisation they learned that to abuse children gave them a sense of power, control, agency, that they'd not had any other in their life. And therefore they used the abuse of children to gain those things.

Concluding comments

Jacqui:
There's very very little being done to look at the issue of female sexual abuse. We have no programmes in this country that are aimed at working with female sexual offenders specifically. Quite a lot of professionals are picking up women offenders now. What they're not doing is having the resources to help them deal with these women offenders. It's because so many professionals are now getting to pick up women offenders that we are now getting to realise some of the extent of the problem throughout the country.

Narrator:
Few abusers ever volunteer their guilt, and behind closed doors it is difficult to prove. A woman's traditional role in the home as a mother often puts her above suspicion, and medical evidence is hard to obtain. But as more and more of women's victims come forward and speak out they may just force us to face up to the ultimate taboo.

All Rights Reseved