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Nazareth House Nuns.
The church is the safest place for me. Mary my mother is here and her baby Jesus. "Mary can you see what they are doing to me?"
"How can they be nuns?"
They are your son's brides and you let them do this to me.
I could not talk to anyone. I just sit down in a corner by myself. I am nothing. I have no-one. I am bad. I have the devil in me. I will go to hell when I die. I am alone.
FORSE TO EAT FOOD.
At dinner time when I could not eat the food and what the big girls did not like, the nuns use to push my head back, hold my nose then force the food down my throat I would bring it all up again over the table so they then would put it on my plate and start the same thing over and over again. I would sick it up and still they would keep pushing my head back and holding my nose and spooning the horrid food into my mouth. Then at tea time the food that I left would be still on a plate in my place for me to eat for tea. The same thing would happen again.
The nuns knew that while they were holding my nose and forcing the food down my throat, that I could not breath, I would be coughing, choking and bringing up the food while they were still forcing more food down me. It still make me shake and quiver while I write this here.
CONFESSIONS.
I went to Confession today, while kneeling down facing a little grill, I said.
"Bless me Father for I have sinned, it is a week since my last confession."
I would make up something bad about me to tell the priest, like not doing what
the nuns told me and asking for a lolly from one of the girls, talking when I wasn't
spoken to. And then end up with, I tell lies. So he can forgive me.
I did not like making up things to tell him. But I though that I had to tell the priest something bad each time, when I went to confession.
I wanted to hear the priest say that God loved me, but I never did hear that. It was always that God hated children who were naughty and that he would send me to hell. For penance the priest gives me five Hail Mary's and two Our Fathers.
Then I would start.
Hail Mary, full of grace!
the Lord is with thee,
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of they womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen. 5 times
Our Father, who art in Heaven hallow be the name, They kingdom come, They will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and for give us our trespassers, as we for give those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from all evil. Amen. 2 times.
SUlCID ATEMPT.
When I was 12years I tried to commit suicide by jumping out of our dormitory window which was on the 3rd floor of Nazareth House, I did not want to live anymore, the police did not help me so what was the use of my life at Nazareth House. No one wanted me and I was no body's child. I could not open the windows wide enough because I could not get the piece of wood which was nailed 6ins above the bottom window so I could not move it.
STATIONS OF THE CROSS-.
Every day I went to church and after talking to Mary and Jesus, I would make the Stations of the Cross. I would tell Jesus, that I would take his pain away from him.
Then his cross would not be so heavy. The nuns told me that each time I am bad, Jesus cross would get heavier. I would tell Jesus that I was strong enough and I could help him, when Simon got tired.
ICE FOR FOOD
I use to get that hungry at Nazareth House that when I saw the ice over the puddles, I would pick it up and eat it, it would have dirt and gravel underneath it which I ate as well. I didn't care what was in it because I would eat grass as well. Most of us did this and sour grass with yellow flowers was the best. I was so hungry and cold.
BATHROOM.
Sister Blandina would make me pull my pants down and make me bend over a long bench with my clothes around my head and she would start to trash me with a long cain which she kept behind her back in her big belt. There was not only me bent over that long bench, there were a few of us and she would go from one girl straight on to the next girl and all us girls would be bent over this bench waiting to be trashed by Sister Blandina.
To think about this now I don't know how I waited for this treatment from the nuns but there is one thing I have never forgotten and that was the fear for the nuns and I do believe that it was out of fear is why I did not move from that chair and bench it was fear of the nuns and more and more thrashing from the nuns I would get if I should dare to move from that spot.
Sister Blandina would also make me pull my pants down and I had to bend over a chair and she would whip me with a cane with my clothes over my head, what makes this worst is that she did not care who was there. This was so embarrassing as it was done in the dinning room, bathroom, and in the classroom.
MISSIONARIES.
The missioners came to see us 3times a year and showed us photos of sick people, it was so terrible how these monks dressed in white long dress like clothing, with the littlest white buttons, down the front. They went on about these horrible sores on these people with part of their faces, hands and legs gone. The photos they showed us were about people in the last stages of Leprosy and we were told that if we did not give money to them, they would die.
What ever they said to us only had one meaning and that, it was us little children's fault if they die, the nuns knew how to make you feel guilty and I did not have any money to give them.
We were given money to give to the Missionaries in Africa. When I put the money into the black boy's hand and then push a lever at the back, his mouth would open up wide, and I watched the black nigger eat my money. The little black babies are flying around and crying in Limbo, because we don't give the missionaries enough money to get them Baptized. I would think, Well then, I will go to Africa myself and Baptize them, then they can fly with the angels and saints in Heaven. The little black babies well be saved
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